I often think about what a friend said (or rather retorted) to me once. When I shared that I was enjoying mediation-that it was sort of a way for me to find my way back home to myself. She threw her head back as her weave whipped around, and asked where exactly I thought I’d been if I wasn’t home. But this friend was still running-living a frenzied life, staying afloat by constantly moving forward at high speed. It didn’t help that her nemesis (who she was in a love triangle with) was a new found yogi with an instagram account filled with Sanskrit mantras and chakra meditations. You see my friend had been performing since childhood to overcome perceived deficits. She had two blind parents and described herself as a chubby nerdy girl in childhood. She was like a little wind up bunny that had been wound so tightly that she was gyrating at high speed up the corporate latter. Her childhood self was nowhere to be found today. She had morphed into a buxom platinum blonde, with all of the embellishments-boobs, nails and stilettos. If anyone embodied the commercial standard of success, it was her; and now she had a firm with her name on it to prove it. The difference between us (well, among other things) was that I had tired of running and climbing the corporate latter much earlier than she did. We’ve since lost touch, but I often wonder-is she’s still running? Is she still whirring through life at high speed? I imagine her clutching her briefcase in one hand, cappuccino in the other maneuvering as she’s tearing off at high speed in her sports car. I wonder if she will ever tire. I remember her snickering at the concept of “showing up,” and how the yogis called this “courageous.” I can see why this could seem like a silly metaphor-especially to someone litigating multimillion dollar cases. But I have a deepened appreciation for the courage it takes to stand still, to lean in and feel what is real-no matter where it takes you. It is becoming clear to me that there is no out running, out performing, or out numbing the real work. In my case anyway, there was no outpacing it. I had to be still, follow my breath and lean in. And so, that is what I continue to do to find my way home.