Finding Your North Star

I’ve spent so much of my time trying to live up to my paper life that sometimes I feel very far away from knowing who I am, what I love, what I want, what makes me happy, what doesn’t make me happy anymore…

I feel like a ping pong ball careening around checking off to do lists, sign up genies and the like.  I have become a slave to this life I conjured up in my head that would bring me happiness.  I’ve checked the respective boxes-degrees, corporate, a house, marriage, kids and a dog, a bigger house, etc.  I climbed the proverbial ladder in hopes of finding happiness through acquisition.   

Don’t get me wrong.  I do have real moments where I find happiness.  Moments where I’m alive, glimpses of living in the flow, finding purpose-with my girls, laughing, snuggling, playing with my fluffy friend, listening to a lecture, reading a meaningful passage, writing.

Writing has become my salvation.  It’s not only been therapeutic, but for me its become as necessary as breath is to life.  It is literally nursing me back to life and drawing forth my voice that has been silenced for so long.  

I want to listen.  I’m curious what she has to say…

What does she want?

What does she love?

What makes her feel alive?

What is important?  What has become unimportant?

I’m quiet.  I’m still.  

I’m listening and giving permission.

There’s no right answer.  

There is only truth-her truth.

You see I’m learning the answers are not outside.  They’re not on paper.

They’re not in someone else’s life or definition of life.  

It’s personal.  It’s specific.  It’s aligned uniquely and individually.

Only there will you find your truth.  It’s as unique as a fingerprint or strand of DNA.  SO when you are searching and your best friend or sister is certain of the right answer, she is wrong because she doesn’t have all the information.  She doesn’t have access to it-only you do in the quiet of your mind-in between your thoughts.  So you have to be still or you will miss it.

And if you’re busy jumping through all of the worlds hoops, you might miss out on your personal calling.  Your unique gifts and purpose are not uncovered by searching externally and following societies guideposts for a life of value.  It’s only in the deepest parts of your heart that you can find your personal truth, your real, your “right.”  So that is my quest to put down my pretty paper life and focus on “my real”.

Will you join me?

Lillian Rose